I guess I was triggered to finally sit down and write this. I have been wanting to for about a week but haven’t figured out exactly how to phrase what I am thinking and feeling. But now I realize: It doesn’t have to be perfect, because we are human, it just has to be shared.
I have not shaved my legs in about 2 months. I’m not one of those people with fine blonde hairs either, so it is pretty clear that I haven’t. My legs blend into my dad’s and brother’s, minus being more slender (I’m just saying, I have killer calves). Growing up I think I got my leg hair early. It was very thick and the first time my mom helped me shave we used 3 razors and clogged the tub. Since then I’ve always felt like I’ve been waging war on my legs, and to a larger extent, my body. I’ve never come to peace with it and I’m always trying to manipulate it. Make it look a certain way or fit into a garment - as women we are often moulding and creating ourselves on a daily basis. This can be empowering or fun, but it can also be depressing or hassling.
I think most of us have felt the pressure at some time or constantly throughout our lives to look a certain way or do certain things because we are women or we are told we need to be feminine. There is nothing wrong with being a woman or being feminine, but there is something terribly wrong with gendered expectations and social norms that make many feel trapped or othered if we disobey.
The first time I went outside I thought people would look at me weird for having hairy legs. Considering all the impetus put on a woman to be nearly hair free I figured someone would say or do something. But nothing happened. People just went about their day, and so did I. Occasionally my thoughts strayed to my legs, wondering if I should feel self-conscious or cover them up. As much as I realize it is ridiculous, I grew up seeing all those commercials for Nair and pink Shicks, camera pans up women's mile-long hairless tan legs. I know what is considered sexy, and my legs currently don't fit that box. But then when you are doing errands or having a fun day out, it is pretty easy to forget about needing to have "sexy legs".
But then my mom and I got on the bus. We started talking to a lady in the seat behind us. The breeze had picked up and I rubbed my legs to warm them. My mom shot me a look and a sharp whisper to tuck my legs under the seat. She didn't want the lady to notice my unshaven legs. Presumably it'd reflect negatively on her that I was such an unmanicured daughter. I shrank into myself and hoped that'd be the last of it.
When we got home I sat down on the couch and put my legs up on the coffee table with my dad. Although I doubt he’d be okay or into my mom having hairy legs, for his daughter he is of the belief that I can do whatever I want as long as I’m willing to deal with the consequences. We watched some action film I've probably seen a dozen times and talked a bit about the upcoming school year. Then my mom walked in. She told me to get my hairy legs off the table. Said they were ugly, gross and needed to be shaved. I told her I don't like shaving my legs and there's no good reason to do so. She said "Too bad."
The next day in the shower I stared at the bottle of shaving cream. I contemplated giving in. But why? I'd go through a few shavers, all the hot water, and almost an hour just for two days of smooth legs. For me it is an unnecessary hassle. No one is going to moisturize or massage my legs afterwards and appreciate the effort. There is no hygienic necessity to shave one's legs, and I spend way too much money on feminine products as it already is. How my legs look really doesn't matter to me beyond the fact that some people are making it into a big deal. It is ridiculous that girls or anyone else should even have to waste energy worrying how their legs look - we all have better things to do with our brain power and time. It needs to stop.
I got out of the shower and threw on appropriate summer cloths: a t-shirt and shorts (I've never been a big skirt or dress person). But as I was about to leave the house my mom said “Aren’t you going to put on pants and cover up those ugly things?” I just want to scream "No!" Let me do my thing and be comfortable with myself. How am I supposed to stop trying to check all these boxes I've been trying to fulfill my entire life when today my mom has decided my nickname is Scary Hairy? Every time I walk into a room that is what she says.I want to go back to school and not shave my legs, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that when I walk to class or workout in the gym, I'll hear her voice in my head saying they are ugly and scary and that means I am too. I'm afraid schoolmates will agree and even if they don't say it, they'll think it. And worse of all, I'm afraid I will care. I shouldn't; it doesn't matter if your legs are hairless or hairy or if you are a woman or man or anything else. Yet when I don’t shave my legs I have been made to feel like less of a woman, and less desirable. And I am slowing learning to not care about that, because as much as I don't want to be criticized, I want to follow my heart more.
